wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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