Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
