I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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