Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
