Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
