shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
