So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I believe in your delicious
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
