walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
