If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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