By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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