enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I love having hate sex.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
