It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
