i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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