I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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