Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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