so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
