no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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