I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
