I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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