I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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