The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
