i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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