I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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