You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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