i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
