I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
