remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
