When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
