Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
