I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't put those talents on a resume
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
