The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
