I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
