i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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