Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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