I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We are all done wearing pants today
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