it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
