dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
