don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
