would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
