just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize