HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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