I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
