Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
