they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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