Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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