I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
