Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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