after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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