Do you still have your period?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
