tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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