This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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