Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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