So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
