She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
