I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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