We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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