He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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