I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
