can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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