So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
