I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
