I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
