If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
