Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
