My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
