First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize