i just google imaged poop.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
