be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
