she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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