She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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