he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
