We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
