Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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