On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
